I’m not sure, but I think I might hate myself. I didn’t realize this until recently and it came as a real surprise. It came to me as I was sitting at my computer one evening. I was scrolling through some video suggestions on Youtube (Logan Paul, Jake Paul, Jordan Peterson, Jocko Willink, Gary V, Joe Rogan clips) and I just had to ask myself a question: am I a douchebag?

This knocked me sideways. I’ve always thought of myself as someone with good taste, someone who can tell the difference between Oliver Tree level meme-ery and the human equivalent of under-the-desk-gum that is Jake Paul. But what do you know? Youtube disagrees and it wants shove it in my face.

The problem is this algorithm is so sophisticated that I have to wonder: does it know me more than I know myself? I do watch a lot of crap. Why anyone would watch the Paul brothers is beyond me. Even Logan, arguably the better of the two, produces try hard replicas of David Dobrik’s vlog and a podcast that is one of the most forgettable things on the site. And he commands an army of 20 million subscribers.

Even higher end content, things with high production value like Casey Neistat’s channel, are just vlogs. I know that sounds diminutive and the amount of work, care and creativity that goes into those vlogs is impressive but if new media wants to make an impact, it’s got to step it up. It just caters to people’s basest entertainment needs. Casey’s vlogs, now more sporadic than his initial daily production, are witty, and creatively produced. Sometimes they tell a story about his life, sometimes it’s just a life lesson for his viewers. A lot of the time though, it’s just him going on runs, then working and talking about working, then opening mail, and then some (excellently executed) drone shots. His vlogs with the most views are reviews of airline seats.

It’s cool to watch but it’s not heavy hitting stuff.

If you’re over 25, you probably remember that the pre Netflix version of a binge was watching hours on end of trash TV on TLC or infomercials on end. We’ll watch anything. ‘It’s Everyday Bro’ is a shining testament to that sordid fact. 270 million people have that masterpiece of banality stored in their subconscious. Youtube rewards subscriber counts. The higher the eyeballs on the video, the more you’ll get paid. Doesn’t matter if people are hate watching the video or just catching up on the juicy 16 year old drama that passes for content. Eyeballs =money. Creators on Youtube are therefore incentivized to reach out to our baser instincts — so long as they’re family friendly.

The family friendly thing also stifles creativity and encourages content that is trite and somewhat meaningless. Kids’ content and clean videos tend to avoid narratives about the complexity of life. Stuff that makes meaningful content.

That might also get to an important crux of this problem. Youtube is driven by advertisers. The way it makes money is by skimming off the top of what advertisers pay creators. Advertisers push safe (read: shitty) content that is ‘brand friendly’. It’s been a long time since mainstream corporate content has had any real meaning.

Netflix, despite not making money off advertising, creates some of the best content on the internet. My Netflix suggestions do me credit: Peaky Blinders, Sacred Games, House of Cards, Vikings, Flat Earth, Epstein, Arrested Development. How do I explain the discrepancy? I like good shit, but when I get home I wanna watch Say Yes to the Dress and eat junk. Youtube is the TLC of streaming services.

Netflix’s curated productions are decidedly not brand friendly. They feature antiheroes, mind bending plot lines, and, horror of horrors, sex. Netflix may have its own agenda (namely, locking your eyeballs on a screen until they melt), but at least the content gives you perspective on life and the world we live in.

A cursory glance at the top independent YouTubers as well as the top (non music) videos reveals a who’s who of, well, nothingness. Except for Pewds, I like Pewdiepie. If the algorithm is good enough to identify me as a douchebag then it’s definitely good enough to identify all of us as douchebags.

We are what we eat or at least what we consume and so yes, I guess I’m a douchebag. But I’m in good company. Well…company.